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Some song lyrics just make you chuckle, don’t they?

Sometimes song lyrics can tell an important story or convey the singers deepest emotions. You can feel the singers heart breaking or the height of their elation through the lyrics.
But some songs baffle me.
They have me wondering whether the singer actually meant what they were singing. This is a selection of some of the lyrics that have me the most confused!

“All of me,
Loves all of you…”

and I’m lonely!

GIM. All images by author

Do you ever have a great idea, then when you go to act on it you find that you’ve forgotten it? Like when you decide on the perfect gift for your girlfriend, then, when you go to buy it you can’t remember what it was — you just know that it was amazing.

That’s me.

Sorry, not sorry.

I’m the Good Ideas Monster, GIM for short (I’m so glad I don’t do other things as well— I might have been called Good Ideas Monster Plus…). …

Of course, I don’t — but let’s work with that suggestion…

The giant space squid. All images by author

I’ve heard some fantastic theories about things over the last few years, particularly around the pandemic. I'm genuinely baffled about why people believe a lot of the things that they do. It’s hard to ask because people become defensive of their opinion, especially if they think that it isn’t a popular one, and either stop discussing or it descends into an argument.

I have been trying to discuss other people’s views which don’t make sense to me, to write about — but I’ve struggled to find people. Everyone is wary of exposure. They will give me a sentence then tell…

What animals think about their names!

Swallow talking to Goldfish (yes — it’s a swallow, not a robin or magpie!) All images by author

“Hey! Don’t swallow me!” the goldfish said to a swallow that was eating bugs by the surface of the pond in a beautiful coastal area.

“Don't be stupid. I’m just called Swallow — I’m not going to swallow everything!” said the swallow. “I don’t even eat fish! Just like you’re called Goldfish, but you’re a muddy brown, not gold.”

“You’re a bit like me,” Mrs Blackbird said to the goldfish “I’m called Blackbird, but I’m brown?!”

“Isn’t Mr Blackbird black?” Swallow asked, “Sounds rather sexist to me.”

A muntjack deer had overheard the discussion and wandered over to join in…

Image by author

Words from me, the snow being in question

“Aww, look at the snowman! He’s so cute — like a Christmas card!” calls the old couple, as they shuffle home.

“The snowman’s smiling, look. He loves having the kids playing around him!” say the mums, enjoying a few minutes peace from their squawking little humans.

“Hey, Sammy Snowman! How’s it hanging?” shouts the postman as he passes. Every. Single. Day.

…I need this house!

Wow, look at that!

That’s a 23-bed ‘house’! It’s in the sea, between Portsmouth and the Isle of Wight. It’s the perfect writer's retreat! It has its own helicopter pad which would be great for getting to places in a hurry. It has hot tubs, brilliant to ease the aching muscles after a day at the laptop. It even has a fire pit for…err…when I want fire!

A lot of my writing is done in public places (coffee shops, pubs, libraries) and that might be a bit tricky on this island home. But it’s okay — I have a plan…

We know that you don’t mean it.

Photo by Etienne Girardet on Unsplash

Rita Ora (a singer, she did Your Song — that one with the catchy bibbly bobbly backing) has recently apologised for having a thirtieth birthday party. It was apparently a ‘small’ affair, with thirty guests (one for each year, presumably). It was in a restaurant in London during lockdown. Restaurants aren’t allowed to open (except as food takeaways) and we are only allowed to meet one person who isn’t from our household — and that has to be outside. Even if she has a thirty person household, they shouldn’t have been in a restaurant.

Rita’s party was broken up by…

I’ve had it. We have the option for change and we’re too damn lazy to use it

Photo by iMattSmart on Unsplash

2020 is shaping up to be a big year. England is about to end its second lockdown and go back to a tiered system of restrictions. It’s been disastrous, deadly and sometimes amazing. There’s been an unprecedented amount of unprecedented things.

It seems to me that there is a general feeling amonst people. A feeling that has been exressed regularly on social media, Medium and the news. People liked the world being quiet. They liked hearing the birds and seeing more wildlife.

During the first lockdown, I did a survey to see how people felt. 92% of the responses used…

Read on to find out why you are too!

Me, not succeeding. All images by author

Why can’t I do all those things I want to do! Other people can, so why can’t I? Why can’t you do the things you want to do? It’s not fair, is it?

I want to be able to crochet, remember the rules to chess and be able to play it, to knit and to make gazillions with my writing. What do you want to be able to do? …

Rachel Dodman

Rachel is a freelance writer from the UK. Check out her latest novella Downhill From Wednesday on Amazon!

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